Problems dating someone with aspergers

  • Coping With a Partner’s Asperger’s Syndrome
  • Dating Someone With Aspergers – What a Awesome Experience You Are Going to Have Dating an Aspie
  • 7 Things You Need To Know About Dating Someone With Autism
  • Confused By Your Man? He Might Have Aspergers
  • 5 Tips for Loving Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome
  • Romantic Relationships for Young Adults with Asperger’s Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism
  • Comments (225)

All romantic relationships have challenges and require some work. And that leaves a lot of room for misunderstanding and miscommunication. In her book, Ariel provides wise advice and practical exercises to help you improve your relationship and overcome common obstacles. She suggests keeping a journal to record your responses.

Coping With a Partner’s Asperger’s Syndrome

When dating someone with Asperger’s syndrome, it can be helpful to understand better some of their personality traits, so as not to accidentally upset them or cause some other kind of miscommunication. Dating is hard enough as it is, so it can be helpful to know in advance how to prevent some situations from occurring. Asperger’s syndrome is a form of autism. People who have Asperger’s are either of an average or above-average intelligence.

However, where they struggle is with social interactions, so gatherings and parties are often difficult for them, as is meeting new people and communicating with those they already know. While Asperger’s can create a wall insofar as a person’s ability to communicate, it also has some pretty beneficial sides to it as well. For one thing, those with Asperger’s tend to develop a deep interest in a particular topic and can discuss that topic for hours.

It could be a topic as vague as cars or as narrow as shampoo. If you know a lot about the same topic, then you both can enjoy quite the discussion! For a person to be diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, he or she is interviewed and observed by an expert in that area and evaluated based on the criteria established for diagnosing the condition. Often, the parents or teachers of a younger child or adolescent will also be interviewed to glean more information before making an official diagnosis.

Plenty of adults have been diagnosed with Asperger’s. While this has been falsely attributed to a “rise in autism rates,” the truth is that we are much more informed about autism than we were, say, 20 years ago, and have fine-tuned our criteria to help us diagnose people who are on the spectrum. So, while a child may have been written off or misdiagnosed as someone with behavioral or psychological issues that would explain his or her behavior, it is a comfort for them to realize as adults that really, they were just on the spectrum this whole time.

There is nothing “wrong” with them, they just think differently from the rest of us. And the more we learn about the condition, the better equipped we are to communicate with them and help them feel more comfortable. Dating someone with Asperger’s can take a toll on you, especially if you don’t know much about the condition. The following tips can be helpful for dating someone with mild Asperger’s or even a more severe case.

The more you learn about the condition, the better off your relationship will be. You will find that you have more compassion for your partner when you know why he or she is acting the way they do. For instance, someone with Asperger’s may appear to be self-absorbed and only care about their own needs, rather than considering yours. The truth is, they see the world differently than we do – their brains have been shown to process information differently from ours.

So while they do care about you, it may be more difficult for them to show it. Once you understand this, you can work with your partner to ensure that your needs are met and that neither of you is frustrated by your partner’s condition. Don’t feel guilty if your partner’s actions still hurt once in a while, but do understand that it’s not like your partner is doing these things to you deliberately. Your partner is not going out of his or her way to be cold, mean, or distant toward you – that’s just how it comes off as to other people.

Just because someone with Asperger’s may want some alone time once in a while, this doesn’t mean they don’t love you. Unwinding at the end of a long day with other people may be more difficult for someone with Asperger’s. Sometimes a little alone time can go a long way in fortifying the relationships a person with Asperger’s shares with others. When you’re interested in dating someone, subtle hints and passive-aggression is generally the name of the game.

If you want to pursue things further with that person, you may dress a certain way, wear your hair a certain way, or speak in innuendos. However, these subtle hints and nonverbal cues may not be as easily interpreted by someone with Asperger’s. For instance, you may think he’s not interested in you because he isn’t reaffirming that he’s attracted to you, or that he loves you.

He does feel these things; it’s just harder for him to express it. And when you’re more understanding of his methods of communication or non-communication , your relationship can be healthier, and you both can be happier. During moments where communication may be strained, it is important to remember to be patient with each other and to communicate your needs and wants.

Sometimes you do need to spell everything out and ask the other person questions. This may seem less romantic when the devil is often in the details, but it doesn’t have to be. It just means that the romantic dance that other couples do with each other needs to be done a little differently for you guys. You can get creative and have fun with it, rather than letting it frustrate you.

Because someone with Asperger’s may experience more difficulty understanding their own emotions, communicating with them can sometimes be a struggle. Even something as small as making eye contact with them over an inside joke may not go over well. You may be very open to learning more about how to connect better with your partner, but you may not know where to start.

In that case, you may find the following exercise from PsychCentral to be rather helpful:. Start by writing down all of how you try to connect with your partner. Then, make a list of the things you would like your partner to do to connect better with you. Have your partner make the same lists, then trade them and discuss how you would like to connect better with each other going forward.

Keep the lists accessible, like maybe on the fridge or tacked up to a bulletin board. Try to do a few of the things on your partner’s list, and your partner should do the same. The both of you should feel free to regularly review and update your list as you try behaviors and discover some that don’t work or some that worked very well. Another thing you can try is to be as specific as possible when you need them to do something.

For instance, you may ask your partner to help out with some housework while you’re at the movies with a friend. You get back from the movies to find that the dishes are still stacked in the sink, but the carpets have been vacuumed. While you may appreciate the vacuuming, you may be angry and dumbfounded that the obvious pile of dishes has not been taken care of. This is not your partner’s fault.

He truly believed he was helping out and did not pick up on the subtlety of your request. Next time, be more specific, but don’t be mean about it. Instead, say something like, “can you please wash and put away the dishes in the sink while I’m gone? In other words, if you’re more of a passive-aggressive person, then this is something you will need to work on to make a relationship with someone with Asperger’s work.

Are you dating someone with Asperger’s? Do you have Asperger’s, and you’re worried other people will feel hesitant about dating you? Contact our counselors at BetterHelp for more information and advice. This site requires anonymous cookies and third party services to function properly. This site may store and process health related data for the purposes of providing counseling and related services.

To continue using BetterHelp, you must consent to our Privacy Policy. You can opt-out at any time. What Is Asperger’s Syndrome? The ability to work well by yourself A keen ability to pay attention to detail The ability to do well in a particular area without letting others’ opinions affect you A unique and intense way of thinking A recognition of patterns that others might miss However, there are downsides to having the condition as well, including: A lack of interest in socializing with other people A difficulty in maintaining a relationship for the long-term Living in extremes g.

Alone Time Is Important Just because someone with Asperger’s may want some alone time once in a while, this doesn’t mean they don’t love you. In that case, you may find the following exercise from PsychCentral to be rather helpful: Search Topics. What Does The Diagnosis Mean? The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice.

You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use. You will be logged out in seconds. Log out Keep me active.

Dating someone with Aspergers is challenging because written off or misdiagnosed as someone with behavioral or psychological issues that. Everyone is different and dating is hard on or off the spectrum. I’m female and autistic. I never dated anyone on the spectrum but I know dating.

Feb 19, News 1 comment. Are you dating someone with Aspergers? People with Aspergers Syndrome AS range from mildly quirky to what you may call weird. And this can pose challenges for someone who is neurotypical or at least not on the autism spectrum. Some people call the neurological wiring of a person with Aspergers different while others consider it a deficit.

Being involved in a successful romantic relationship can be difficult for most people. Consider all the breakup self-help books available, the movies portraying cheating significant others, constant fighting and dramatic breakups, and your own relationship history.

I have stated in the definition of Asperger’s Syndrome that the divorce rate remains high for people who are diagnosed with it. Yet, a number of people with Asperger’s Syndrome are able to successfully date, marry, and raise families. Most don’t actually have the diagnosis.

7 Things You Need To Know About Dating Someone With Autism

With nearly 3. What you can do: Let him know what you think and tell him why it is important that he learns how to make you feel special. Employing some structure to this conversation will help everyone feel more open and honest. Attaching a gesture to an emotion is not intuitive, so take the time to explain what the gestures mean and why you are doing them.

Confused By Your Man? He Might Have Aspergers

Relationships are all about communication. This adversely affects the important quality of empathy, which is vital to a successful and fulfilling relationship. People involved in relationships with a mindblind partner report feeling invalidated, unsupported, unheard, unknown and uncared for. They suffer from severe, ongoing emotional deprivation that results in depression, loneliness, anger, low self-esteem, emotional breakdown, PTSD and physical illness. Many study the words and behavior of NT people around them, and copy it. They learn exactly what they should do and say in a romantic relationship, since none of it comes naturally to them. No one can keep up an act forever. Be cool, I told myself, roughly ten-thousand times a day. Look normal.

And like anyone else, aspies, as they are fondly referred to, certainly are capable and deserving of love and affection, even romance.

When dating someone with Asperger’s syndrome, it can be helpful to understand better some of their personality traits, so as not to accidentally upset them or cause some other kind of miscommunication. Dating is hard enough as it is, so it can be helpful to know in advance how to prevent some situations from occurring.

5 Tips for Loving Someone with Asperger’s Syndrome

People who have this disorder, experience difficulties with communication with other people, so their interactions are limited. When we meet people, as a rule, we can form our opinion about them, basing on their facial expressions, a tone of voice and body language. We can tell whether they are happy, angry or sad, and we react accordingly. People with Asperger Syndrome are bad at interpreting someone’s intonation, facial expressions, and gestures, while most people take for granted. This means that it is more difficult for them to communicate and interact with other people, and it can lead to a great deal of anxiety, fear, and confusion. Although there are some similarities with regular autism, in contrast to aspis, speech problems are less pronounced, and it seems like, on average, they possess quite a high level of intelligence. They usually have no concomitant learning disabilities, associated with autism, but they may still have some difficulties in learning. People with Asperger Syndrome can lead full and independent lives with the right support and encouragement. Sometimes, people with Asperger Syndrome have difficulty expressing their own emotions and opinions. Many people with Asperger Syndrome strife for social interactions, but they face difficulties in initiating and maintaining social relationships that can cause them great anxiety and fear. People with this disorder are characterized by the following things. People with Asperger Syndrome may have a rich imagination.


Clinical experience has identified that the majority of such adolescents and young adults would like a romantic relationship. However, there is remarkably little research examining this aspect of autism spectrum disorders ASDs or strategies to facilitate successful relationships. Typical children do this naturally and have practised relationship skills with family members and friends for many years before applying these abilities to achieve a successful romantic relationship. They also can have an extreme sensitivity to particular sensory experiences. To achieve a successful relationship, a person also needs to understand and respect him- or herself. His requests for a date had been consistently rejected.

Romantic Relationships for Young Adults with Asperger’s Syndrome and High-Functioning Autism

Could marrying someone with Asperger’s syndrome be one way to ensure a long and happy partnership? Some couples seem to think so. Hannah Bushell-Walsh’s husband was diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome two years ago, after the couple had already been married several years. The happy couple now have two children together. Bushwell-Walsh recalls an incident at Center Parcs, when Steve interrupted a peaceful pottery session with an outburst in which he furiously protested at the “lack of rules” in the recreational village.

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To create this article, 11 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. Learn more. It also received 11 testimonials from readers, earning it our reader-approved status. Learn more Expect different body language. Autistic people don’t always make eye contact, sit still, or look at the person they are listening to. However, that doesn’t mean they aren’t paying attention.

A little while ago a client of mine walked into my office. She was completely distraught over the demise of her relationship with her boyfriend. Many men have issues communicating — and many resort to stonewalling or withdrawing when they sense acrimony. Autism Spectrum Disorder ASD is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by difficulties socializing, narrow or obsessive interests, compulsive adherence to rituals and routines, and communication problems. Here are a few ways to know if your partner might have Autism Spectrum Disorder and how to avoid Cassandra Syndrome:.

If you go clothes shopping with them, try something on and ask for their opinion – they will honestly give it! Their responses can hurt your feelings, but when they give you praise, or say they like something, it means so much because you know they mean it. Those with autism often take things literally, so if you have an argument with them and tell them to go away meaning to perhaps go to another room so that you stop arguing with each other they may walk out of the home with no intention of ever returning. You have to be clear with how you explain things to them, even saying that some food you are eating is sharp can make them think you have just eaten some food which was physically sharp which may have hurt you. Or if you tell them to wait a minute, they will assume you literally mean wait for one minute.

“22 Things A Woman Must Know If She Loves A Man With Asperger’s Syndrome” – Rudy Simone Interview